Since December last year, I have been just living my life, not being strict with food or calorie intake. I didn’t monitor what I ate, but just followed my gut, literally. Hah! If I ate too much yesterday, then I’d eat less today. If I ate like a pig for a few days, then I’d slave myself at the gym doing cardio. I hate cardio by the way. It’s now a few months down the road and I’m still exercising 2-3 times a week. So what did I gain from eating whatever I want and exercising whenever I want? Is this what some people say doing things in moderation? I FAIL at moderation. I’m always all or nothing.
The result is, I did not put on weight. I’ve just been in maintenance mode. How does that make me feel, not being restrictive about my food intake and my training schedule? Why am I asking questions and answering them myself? Well, it felt ok scoffing down the ramen or that bowl of curry noodles, but it also made me realize, hey, I can do without these too. Perhaps when I couldn’t eat them, they tasted much better in my head. It’s the same for anything, really. An object of desire becomes so much more tempting when I can’t have it. Like the Chanel Candeur et Experience. So, now I can tell myself, ah, this is how much I can eat and this is how much I need to move around to just stay how I look right now.
So moving on?
I’d want to go back into a stricter regime with food and workout. It’s like starting all over again, but to break this plateau, this comfort zone. I’m sure I’ve lost some strength and some muscles from lifting less so I think it’s time to pick it up again. I have a good idea of how the new schedule works now so I can try to fit things in. I have poor stamina, unfit endurance wise, so I might want to train that up. It’s not something I’m happy to do, but if I can conquer something I hate, then it makes me stronger, right? It’s all good in theory, but when I’m huffing and puffing and my lungs feel like they’ll burst, I might not follow through!
We’ll see. I’m writing this at 1 in the morning, so I might be delusional. Let’s see how things turn out a few months down the road when I write the next update.
How are you guys doing? Do you move around enough to keep your body healthy?
Before I go, I want to rant.
** Warning, strong language. Do not proceed if you’re easily offended. Full on bitchiness and 1am unfiltered thoughts ahead **
Some people say, hey I’m skinny, I don’t need to exercise. I think they miss the point completely. Skinny is NOT fit. Hey, the reason I breastfeed is to lose weight. I don’t want to exercise. Yup, another point missed. You breastfeed because it’s good for the baby. But hey, it’s their life, right? They can walk around eating junk food, skipping meals saying OMG I’m so full from that one fucking spoonful of rice. They can maintain a caloric intake of less than 1000 kcals a day, boast about having a skinny body while not exercising… and when they get older, they start complaining of all sorts of bodily malfunction here and there. It’s not my problem right? Or am I the one missing the point here? Is it really better to be skinny and not exercise and not be healthy and strong? Is it OK to fit a size small, but not being able to lift your own groceries? I don’t know.
Then there are those who will ask, hey Lily, why aren’t you skinny when you exercise regularly? Sure, I’m not. Skinny is never my goal. But I’m heck of a lot stronger than I have been my entire life. I squat and deadlift heavier than the men in the gym. I do the right form of push ups easily and I can piggy back my 28kg 8 year old uphill for 1km when she hurt her legs. And also, the main reason is, I’m not strict with my diet. That’s the truth, and I’m sometimes OK with that. When I have mood swings, I won’t be OK with it, but you know how that works. Fickle is Lily.
Then you get those cardio queens who will say, hey, why waste your time at the gym when you can just run and lose all the weight you want? Look, you can see my muscle definition just by running. I have 5 kids you know. Look at me. I’m so disgustingly skinny. Let me teach you how. I started running 2 weeks after I had my kid. Don’t worry. Everything is intact inside. My shocked uterus which is still recovering won’t fall out through my vagina. Why don’t people understand that you need to rest after delivering a baby???!!!? Also, when you’re lean, when you have less body fat, your muscles show. No you didn’t just grow your biceps just by doing house chores. It’s always been there. If it’s possible, guys will be fighting to do all the house work and they’d be buff as fuck.
So I say no to all these. I will not eat steamed broccoli and broiled chicken breast for the rest of my life. I’d kill myself first. I will take care of my body and I will have my cake with ice cream on top if I want to. I will never be skinny and I do not want to be skinny. I want to be strong and fit and all the other benefits that come with it. I know it is a lifestyle change, and I have been changing, slowly, at my own pace. There will be ups and downs and I can live with that. I have been living with that. I am struggling with my inner demons but who isn’t? So just get off my life and let me live my own, and don’t make me kick your flat bony droopy ass where it hurts most.
Hope you have less judgmental people around you and that I didn’t scare you off with my rude and obnoxious unfiltered rant! *muacks*
Edited: Now that this post is published and I’m less emotional, let me just clarify that I’m referring to the few people specifically, based on my personal experience. A friend pointed out that it’s OK with whatever you do, as long as you’re happy and healthy, and I agree with her. Do bear in mind that I live in Asia, and you might not fully understand how it is if you’re in the West (where a lot of you readers are).
Feminism is moot here, really. There are the few who try to beat the system, and you’re lucky if they’re your circle of friends, but it will take a LONG time before women are accepted as who they are. At the moment, we are EXPECTED to be thin and waif, soft spoken, married by 30, have kids and take care of them. Being a stay at home mom (or some refer to it as tai tai life) is an achievement to unlock, and if you’re 40 and single, even if you’re successful in your career, people will look at you a little differently.
Disclaimer: In no way is this post referring to you, so just take it with a pinch of salt 🙂