Fitness Check In #10: Winging It and Full On Rant

Since December last year, I have been just living my life, not being strict with food or calorie intake. I didn’t monitor what I ate, but just followed my gut, literally. Hah! If I ate too much yesterday, then I’d eat less today. If I ate like a pig for a few days, then I’d slave myself at the gym doing cardio. I hate cardio by the way. It’s now a few months down the road and I’m still exercising 2-3 times a week. So what did I gain from eating whatever I want and exercising whenever I want? Is this what some people say doing things in moderation? I FAIL at moderation. I’m always all or nothing.

 

 

 

 

The result is, I did not put on weight. I’ve just been in maintenance mode. How does that make me feel, not being restrictive about my food intake and my training schedule? Why am I asking questions and answering them myself? Well, it felt ok scoffing down the ramen or that bowl of curry noodles, but it also made me realize, hey, I can do without these too. Perhaps when I couldn’t eat them, they tasted much better in my head. It’s the same for anything, really. An object of desire becomes so much more tempting when I can’t have it. Like the Chanel Candeur et Experience. So, now I can tell myself, ah, this is how much I can eat and this is how much I need to move around to just stay how I look right now.

So moving on?

I’d want to go back into a stricter regime with food and workout. It’s like starting all over again, but to break this plateau, this comfort zone. I’m sure I’ve lost some strength and some muscles from lifting less so I think it’s time to pick it up again. I have a good idea of how the new schedule works now so I can try to fit things in. I have poor stamina, unfit endurance wise, so I might want to train that up. It’s not something I’m happy to do, but if I can conquer something I hate, then it makes me stronger, right? It’s all good in theory, but when I’m huffing and puffing and my lungs feel like they’ll burst, I might not follow through!

We’ll see. I’m writing this at 1 in the morning, so I might be delusional. Let’s see how things turn out a few months down the road when I write the next update.

How are you guys doing? Do you move around enough to keep your body healthy?

Before I go, I want to rant.

** Warning, strong language. Do not proceed if you’re easily offended. Full on bitchiness and 1am unfiltered thoughts ahead **

Some people say, hey I’m skinny, I don’t need to exercise. I think they miss the point completely. Skinny is NOT fit. Hey, the reason I breastfeed is to lose weight. I don’t want to exercise. Yup, another point missed. You breastfeed because it’s good for the baby. But hey, it’s their life, right? They can walk around eating junk food, skipping meals saying OMG I’m so full from that one fucking spoonful of rice. They can maintain a caloric intake of less than 1000 kcals a day, boast about having a skinny body while not exercising… and when they get older, they start complaining of all sorts of bodily malfunction here and there. It’s not my problem right? Or am I the one missing the point here? Is it really better to be skinny and not exercise and not be healthy and strong? Is it OK to fit a size small, but not being able to lift your own groceries? I don’t know.

Then there are those who will ask, hey Lily, why aren’t you skinny when you exercise regularly? Sure, I’m not. Skinny is never my goal. But I’m heck of a lot stronger than I have been my entire life. I squat and deadlift heavier than the men in the gym. I do the right form of push ups easily and I can piggy back my 28kg 8 year old uphill for 1km when she hurt her legs. And also, the main reason is, I’m not strict with my diet. That’s the truth, and I’m sometimes OK with that. When I have mood swings, I won’t be OK with it, but you know how that works. Fickle is Lily.

Then you get those cardio queens who will say, hey, why waste your time at the gym when you can just run and lose all the weight you want? Look, you can see my muscle definition just by running. I have 5 kids you know. Look at me. I’m so disgustingly skinny. Let me teach you how. I started running 2 weeks after I had my kid. Don’t worry. Everything is intact inside. My shocked uterus which is still recovering won’t fall out through my vagina. Why don’t people understand that you need to rest after delivering a baby???!!!? Also, when you’re lean, when you have less body fat, your muscles show. No you didn’t just grow your biceps just by doing house chores. It’s always been there. If it’s possible, guys will be fighting to do all the house work and they’d be buff as fuck.

So I say no to all these. I will not eat steamed broccoli and broiled chicken breast for the rest of my life. I’d kill myself first. I will take care of my body and I will have my cake with ice cream on top if I want to. I will never be skinny and I do not want to be skinny. I want to be strong and fit and all the other benefits that come with it. I know it is a lifestyle change, and I have been changing, slowly, at my own pace. There will be ups and downs and I can live with that. I have been living with that. I am struggling with my inner demons but who isn’t? So just get off my life and let me live my own, and don’t make me kick your flat bony droopy ass where it hurts most.

Rant over.

Hope you have less judgmental people around you and that I didn’t scare you off with my rude and obnoxious unfiltered rant! *muacks*

Edited: Now that this post is published and I’m less emotional, let me just clarify that I’m referring to the few people specifically, based on my personal experience. A friend pointed out that it’s OK with whatever you do, as long as you’re happy and healthy, and I agree with her. Do bear in mind that I live in Asia, and you might not fully understand how it is if you’re in the West (where a lot of you readers are).

Feminism is moot here, really. There are the few who try to beat the system, and you’re lucky if they’re your circle of friends, but it will take a LONG time before women are accepted as who they are. At the moment, we are EXPECTED to be thin and waif, soft spoken, married by 30, have kids and take care of them. Being a stay at home mom (or some refer to it as tai tai life) is an achievement to unlock, and if you’re 40 and single, even if you’re successful in your career, people will look at you a little differently.

Disclaimer: In no way is this post referring to you, so just take it with a pinch of salt 🙂

 

 

xoxo Lily

 

 

  • Fiona

    The most misconception about working out is that it make one skinny. That is not the case. It’s a combination of proper diet intake and working out. Getting fit and healthy is the key, not skinny 🙂 . Don’t bother about what other people say. As long as you are healthy and happy 😀

    • Lily

      Thanks girl. You know how it is la, in Malaysia, where most people are born with a smaller frame, it’s not easy to be bigger built. And really, “skinny” has been the way of life. Women who are chubby are called fat, and those who are obese… OMG I can’t imagine. Anyway, this is just a rant to get stuff out of my chest 🙂

      • Fiona

        Oh trust me. I have lots of rant too. People still call me fat even after I lost weight from depression. Some even said this to me everytime they see me “you can run? I’m in disbelief that you can even run”. My god. Am I really that fat lol

        • Lily

          I’m just baffled at how rude some people can be. You should say yeah I can run AND kick your ass!

  • ML Chan

    Hurrah! Well said, Lily. Here’s a life of broccoli (stir-fried, not steamed – haha!) and ice cream 🙂

    • Lily

      Oh I love stir fried broccoli. Cheers!

  • Ahahaha I so feel you Lily! I say to hell with all these judgemental (and mental) people around us. I don’t fit that typical Asian stereotype either and so often, I am faced with a stunned silence when people ask and I tell them that no, I’m not married and I have no kids and I’m quite happy about that. It’s all a choice we make, and that carries over too to how we look. From what you say, you do eat in moderation. I don’t watch what I eat, and I don’t count calories either. I eat proper food – not junk food, not processed food, but if I feel like eating junk food or processed food, I eat it. I don’t eat clean. I don’t even exercise very much, which is where you’re doing far better than I am. But really, I know how it is, since I live here and there’s that perpetual pressure to be slim and fair with long hair and dainty and hell, eff it all. I was reading your convo with Larie on Twitter (didn’t have time to chip in) but I wanted to say that as a chubby kid (and chubby adult – chubby all my life LOL) I totally feel you – people are cruel – both adults and kids. But I know you’ll all be fine. People just have to shut the hell up and realise that what they do or how they choose to lead their lives has no bearing on the rest of us. I’ll have that apple pie with ice cream now, thanks 🙂

    • Lily

      And you are far from chubby! If you are, then I’m obese. Seriously. You’ll have apple pie and I’ll have banana fritters. Lol!

  • Hahaha I love how you admit you’re writing this at 1 in the morning so you might be a bit dilusional 🙂 Are there really people that breastfeed to lose weight, not because its the best for their baby?? OMG. I don’t watch much what I eat. I mean, I do watch in the sense that I did study a lot of nutrition when I was at uni, and I tend to incorporate this knowledge of how a balanced diet would be in my meals,.. but I do love making cakes (and eating them) and whatnot. At the same time I also exercise. The other day I was buying a new swimsuit and whilst trying them on I honestly thought I’ve never looked fitter and better. I may not be as thin as I was 20 years ago (I was too skinny then) but now I feel stronger, everything is better “in place”… and also wiser while at it (we can add that in too). Don’t beat yourself up, I really admire your strength when I see the exercises you post on Instagram etc. I’m with you, I won’t eat boiled brocolli and chicken breasts only all my life,… how boring! I’d have nothing to write about on my blog either lol.

    • Lily

      That’s a great feeling to be in a good place with your own self. And yes, many ppl here, the younger ones especially, breastfeed to lose the baby weight. It’s a pretty sad reality. Then there’s another issue of breastfeeding mothers shaming those who use formula. Women can be savages, tearing each other down.

  • As a woman based in asia, the rant and the postscript section = on point.

    • Lily

      Lol! Having muscle definition is so sexy and athletic. Asian women still have a long way to go, to do whatever they want without being judged or shamed.

  • <– this mama 110% understand your frustration and rant, it's a very Asian or is it Malaysian mentality. I am lucky that I have always been on the slimmer side and until today I can get away with eating 3 full meals and snacking in between so the question of 'why bother to exercise when you're already so slim?' is always thrown to me. I want to be fit, strong and healthy, being thin was never the goal but people don't understand that. The satisfaction of carrying my body weight or contort my body into a certain pose is a huge achievement for me, not once I ever thought hey I better do yoga so I can lose that plate of pasta that I wolf down last night. People just don't understand the bigger picture.

    And about being 'tai tai'….you have no idea how many times I heard that after marrying my husband and living here. Even my relatives are always asking my parents how much money I'm sending them, what I buy for them, will I be sponsoring them everything because I married a gwai loh. It's freaking annoying, everything is money, money, money and title.

    Okay, I better stop here because my comment is getting too long and is turning into a mini rant itself. Haha! See what you started here! LOL!

    • Lily

      I want your metabolism! I know only a few people like that but because you can eat anything without gaining weight, you have to be more careful. Might not affect your outside, but it’ll affect the inside 🙂 Ah, and I feel you. Everything you said here… I can just imagine! It’s like you struck lottery marrying a gwai lo. WTF!

  • Here here for the rant part! I’d agree that it’s less like that here in the West, but just enough, and just a smidgeon enough still among Asians here, that I can sympathize. You do you! At least you feel healthy and strong and good inside your body and THAT’S what really matters.

    Right now, all I’m doing is yoga, but it makes me feel good physically and mentally, and it’s something that I’ve really taken into my life whereas I always hated dragging myself to the gym or to do cardio. Despite this, I still feel guilty at times that I’m not “active” enough as over here it’s all about showing off on Instagram how much you lift or squat. I hate how women always find something to judge!

    • Lily

      I mean, we have to be healthy, and obsessing with looking skinny is not healthy. By skinny I really mean skinny, not slim or fit! Shoving believes in other people’s lives isn’t healthy either. Might get you killed. HAHAHA!
      Ah, you don’t have to feel guilty though. I find it very calming after being on the mat. Yoga is definitely good for our soul! Also, Instagram IS about showing stuff, be it makeup or skincare, new shiny blings or lifts or backbends. I follow a lot of yogi and weightlifters on Instagram as well, and I find their feed motivating.

  • Yvonne Tay

    Love what you said and ranted! So totally agree with what you said, especially the part on being sometimes ok with not being strict on your diet. That is just so real, and one of the reasons I love reading what you write.

    I just want to say a huge “THANK YOU” for inspiring and reminding me to be fitter and healthier. We seem to hit our plateaus at similar timings. I will press on and continue to find ways to be fitter! (:

    • Lily

      Thank you Yvonne! My crazy ranting seems to be validated. Lol 🙂 Yes we will continue to press on, in our own time. When you’ve been pressing for a while, a much needed break is good for both the body and soul.

  • Why did it take me so long to read this?! Kudos for speaking your mind, Lily!! You are right, working out is for health reasons, and not about getting skinnier. I do want to start working out though, just to get my body back in shape… because I definitely notice myself slouching more, and of course the stamina. My son is only getting heavier, and I still want to be able to carry him from time to time,… so I just need to get stronger don’t I? And yes that breastfeeding myth is so…. omg it annoys the shit out of me too!

    • Lily

      LOL it’s just something we have to live with here especially in Asia. I don’t think it’s gonna change any time soon. Not in our lifetime, I don’t think. Hahaha!